Breaking the Silence on Infertility and IVF

What are some of the biggest misconceptions about infertility and IVF that you wish more people understood? 

One of the biggest misconceptions about IVF is that it’s a guarantee. People assume that if you do IVF, you’ll have a baby—but the reality is, it can take multiple rounds, and even then, it doesn’t always work. IVF is a chance, but not everyone brings home a baby. 

Another misconception is that infertility is a “women’s issue.” Male factor infertility accounts for 40%-50% of cases, yet the burden—physically and emotionally—often falls on women. Both partners should be tested early to ensure the right treatment plan. 

People also assume infertility and IVF only impact you physically, but the emotional toll is often heavier. Yet, the mental load is rarely acknowledged. 

Lastly, there’s this idea that once you have a baby, infertility disappears. But infertility stays with you. It changes you. Even if IVF is successful. 

IVF can be an emotional rollercoaster, how did you personally cope with the highs and lows, and what helped you get through the toughest moments? 

IVF is a constant cycle of hope and heartbreak. Some days, I felt strong—other days, I fell apart. What helped was allowing myself to feel it all. I stopped telling myself to “just be positive” and instead gave myself permission to grieve, to be angry, and to sit in the hard moments. Support helped significantly too. I leaned on my partner and connected with others in the fertility community. Surrounding myself with people who truly understood made a big difference. 

Secondary infertility isn’t talked about as much – what are some of the biggest challenges of trying to have another child after already becoming a parent? 

People assume that if you already have a child, infertility won’t be as painful—but that couldn’t be further from the truth. The heartbreak of wanting to grow your family and not being able to is just as devastating. 

One of the hardest parts is the guilt. You feel guilt from others who constantly remind you to be thankful and how lucky you are to already have a child. You feel guilty for the time and energy fertility treatments take away from your family. Guilt for feeling like your family is incomplete. And then there’s the guilt for not being able to give your child a sibling. 

There’s also the challenge of navigating infertility while parenting. You don’t have the same time to rest, recover, or process your emotions the way you did before. And trying to shield your child from your heavy emotions while you’re struggling is incredibly difficult. 

Secondary infertility is isolating because fewer people talk about it. But the grief, frustration, and heartbreak are just as valid. 

Looking back, is there anything you wish you had done differently during your fertility journey? 

I wish I had advocated for myself sooner—pushed for answers, asked more questions, and spoken up when something didn’t feel right. Every patient deserves to feel seen and supported. 

I wish I had set more boundaries, surrounded myself with people who truly supported me, and let go of those who made the journey harder.  

I wish I had been kinder to myself. I spent so much time blaming my body and feeling like I was failing. Infertility was never my fault, but I carried so much blame. 

And I wish I had found support much earlier on and had been more honest with others about how hard this journey really was. I carried too much on my own, and I didn’t have to. Support can make such a difference.  

What’s one piece of advice you’d give to someone starting or going through IVF? 

IVF is a rollercoaster—give yourself grace. I recommend educating yourself about the process, finding support, and advocating for yourself. It’s important to feel informed, confident, and in control of your care. Ask questions, get organized, set boundaries, and prioritize your mental well-being.  

Remember, there is an entire community of people who understand how hard this is—lean on them, you don’t have to do this alone.