Dr. Lapointe, can you please share with our readers your background in parenting advice and expertise?
I practised as a registered psychologist for more than 20 years providing support to parents and their children. More recently I launched a global parent support program in 2023, and spend my time supporting parents and other big people around the globe through my Parent Transformation Journey program, speaking events, media appearances, and my writing.
What are the most common sources of stress for children as they return to school, and how can parents recognize signs of stress in their children?
The most significant source of stress for children will always be the long stretches of absence from their attachment figures, i.e. their parents. In these long stretches of separation, the child is required to follow the rules, perform up to standards, manage social interactions, and a host of other demands, all wgile being apart from the people who would typically regulate their nervous system in the midst of these demands. Stress in children typically comes out in the form of behavior, and in their bodies. You might see the challenges with falling asleep or with waking up. You might notice that the child is reactive more prone to meltdowns in the morning, and after school. You might also observe an uptick in difficult sibling dynamics. Sometimes symptoms of anxiety can also prevent including difficulties being left alone and excessive worries about different things in life. Sometimes you can see difficulties with nightmares and night terrors starting to present. Also watching for changes in bodily functions, including the type in amount of food they are eating, and any changes to bathroom routines (for example withholding bowels or urinary overflow).
How can parents create a supportive home environment that fosters both emotional and academic growth?
The key to creating a supportive home environment that fosters both emotional and academic growth will include an ideal balance of firmness and kindness in terms of how you structure a child’s day, and how you establish and maintain boundaries, rules, norms, and expectations. The containment that is created by routines and boundaries is really important to the emotional safekeeping of a child during this extraordinary period in their development. Only when a child is emotionally at rest, are they then available neurologically and otherwise to the demands of academic growth. The challenge is for parents to avoid rigidity around these things and instead seek to maintain a general coherence so that the child is aware of how it all works, while also having kind hearted gray zones for when routines, boundaries, expectations, and rules may need to shift in order to be more responsive to the child’s emotional and/or physical needs. For example, you may need to shift bedtime 15 minutes later if your child just needs a little top up of tender loving care in order to drift off into dreamland. Or, your child may need to go to school just a little bit late because they were unsettled and required some extra co-regulatory time with their parent before going to school to take on the demands of the day.
Is there anything else you think is important for parents to keep in mind to best support a successful start to the new school year for their families?
I think the biggest thing that parents can be focussed on is how to ensure that their children’s hearts are settled at school and at home so that the child is released to the process of growth and development. Ensuring that your child always feel safe in the connection they have with you is paramount. I often speak with parents about how do you be with your child even when you cannot be with them? How do you send yourself to school with your child, even though you won’t actually be at school with them? You might think about special notes in their lunch bag, a little token filled with magical mom or dad kisses that will never run out that your child can store in their bag and wrap their hands around if they need a little bit of love, front-loading your child with something to look forward to after school with you, and so on. The key is to always have your child feel the connection so they are shored up to be resilient and emergent while off at school.
